31 and 13

Tomorrow is my birthday. I’ll be 31. I came to work today with thoughts in mind to journal about soul searching kind of stuff, you know.

It is still that… but deeper now. Deeper than soul searching? Well, sorta.

My daughter called me. She got her cycle.

And now the tears come as I write the words. They didn’t come as she spoke the words, for then I was trying to hold it together enough to make sure she was okay, that she had what she needed, and to accept the fact that I was at work, not at home where I could hug her. Oh my sweet little baby. Starting the maiden voyage.

Last night around midnight, she called me into her room with a worried tone. Instantly I thought period. When I got there she was crying, way overtired. A spider on her wall.

What is it that grandmother spider teaches us about the web of life?

And today, today she bleeds. Just over 2 months into her 13th year as my daughter.

Everything happens in its own perfect timing, yes? Yes.

I came to work today with a task in mind of setting intentions for a spiritual journey. Developing a course for my own growth to cover a years time. I claim no title for my spiritual path. None but Witch. I claim no god. None but Spirit, which encompasses all. So it is difficult for me to follow specific books that fall in similar lines. I work with bits and pieces. So I guess it makes the most sense to create my own outline. What I want is structure. Something I can follow.

My gemini nature has been fed well lately. I’ve been incredibly busy with work. Work being the retail store, yoga classes, and custom made fairy tale. I do best with multiple functions. So can I create a structured spiritual quest for myself? Lessons and goals? Can I travel my Path with more attention and intention.

Well, there’s only one way to find out. And that’s to just do it.

My idea is to set up a schedule for myself, to be traveled with over the course of a years time. I will have weekly goals, biweekly goals, and monthly goals. And I don’t know if goals is the right word to use, nor is tasks. Hmm… lessons, events, assignments, journeys, steps? Footsteps. Footsteps? I like it.

Footsteps to Cobblestones to Landmarks, traveling the Path toward the wise woman and witch that I long to be.

So what do I want? And what are the steps that will take me there?

I will write what it is that I want, as if I already am. And in most cases, I am already this thing. But I want to do it better, with greater intention, love and wisdom.

1. I am a healer and nurturer. A wise woman with many sources for her craft. I heal with hands, with herbs, with stones, with essence and magic. I have great knowledge for these things.

2. I am a mother and wife. I share divinity and wisdom with my child and partner and therefore help them see there own divinity and wisdom. It is important for them to know how much I love them, without question.

3. I am an artist, and the art that I create inspires me and reminds me of my Path.

4. I am a yogini. It is a step on my Path to magic and divinity.

5. I am a teacher and that which I teach flows out naturally to those that seek what I have to offer.

6. I am a Priestess. I am a vessel of the Divine.

So in the moment, these are the thoughts that come to me, and these are some of the things I need to program in.

Tomorrow is my birthday. Friday is a waxing 1/2 moon, and the Solstice is just around the corner on the 21st. I am 31 years old and my 13 year old daughter just got her moon cycle.

The universal timing could not be more perfect, I’m sure.

mother and moon maiden on the eve of my birthday

it is love

I contemplate the Divine on a fairly regular basis. I also experience him/her/it. Him/her/it is what brings me to my pen, later (which is now) to be shared via blog for your own contemplation. My definition of the Divine has evolved throughout the years, as I’m sure happens for many. At one point, it was very much about the Goddess. Participating in group ritual inevitably led to a calling of the dynamic duo. In the last year or so however, gender has slipped away.

I remember being a little girl and looking into the face of Jesus, a photograph in my mother’s house. I remember singing boisterously in church, hymns to God and his awesomeness. I am not sure if my Patriarchal childhood led me to seek out the Goddess. I resonate deeply with the concept of the triple Goddess. I celebrate the many faces of the goddess Hecate. Even now, I celebrate the feminine: I smile as I sit under her sacred yoni-ness to write these thoughts. Yes, there is something that still connects me to a divine feminine.

But when I call to the Divine, I call to Spirit. There is no separation of sexual illusions. When I sit here, even feeling the energy of this powerful feminine force of my apple tree, it is still the voice of Spirit that whispers to me and through me in the wind. It is harmony. It is balance. It is everything sacred contained in One, yet not contained at all.

It is love.

it is love

sacred stewards

I am completely in love with this time of year. My yard turns into a jungle. Mostly weeds, spreading prolifically. But what is that quote about weeds by Emerson? “What is a weed? A plant whose virtues have not yet been discovered.” And another by A.A. Milne, “Weeds are flowers too, once you get to know them.”

As I sat in my second hand rocker outside, and opened my notebook to begin scrawling out this post, the book parted to reveal a pressed and drying lilac. Was it the husband or the daughter that put it there? I’m not sure. It was a lovely surprise though. Lilacs are my favorite piece of late spring/early summer. Their blooms are so fragrant it sparks something mysterious to open inside of me. That is the magic of essences, yes? (note* the husband just came home from walking the dog ~ he is not the flower pressing culprit, though was disappointed that he hadn’t thought of it ~ that leaves the child ~ that’s my girl!)

Planted the bed yesterday. It’s a small square of land, probably 9×8 or something like that. It’s good to start small I think. (Thumb=black, remember?) I planted tomatoes, corn, onions, beans, quinoa, peppers, squash, basil and thyme. The potatoes have a couple more days to dry out first before I can sow them. That’s a lot of veggies for such a little plot 🙂 I plan on taking good care of them so send me green growing juju, please! We still need to build a small barrier fence with a cover to keep the squirrels out. Little buggers!

I was browsing seed catalogs this morning while enjoying my morning coffee with my fabulous husband. I dream about growing things listed in those catalogs. I dream of having my entire (though small) yard covered with healthy and beneficial plants. I want a medicinal garden to where I can cut fresh echinacea when my family has a cold coming on, or gather the calendula to make healing salves for yuletide gifts. And the veggies! Oh, the veggies. I want to grow mountains of vegetables to not only supply my own table with fresh, organic produce, but to be able to gift to my friends and family because there is simply too much for my family alone. I want my very own farmers market.

So yes, I want to utilize this land as much as possible and leave a thriving garden of food, healing, beauty and magic for the next inhabitants of this house. Although we love our little cottage and our little neighborhood, we’ll be gone in a couple of years when our mountain land finds us…

And in the meantime, I want to learn much, and do the best that I can to be a sacred steward of this land.

Now time to go pound tires with the husband. 🙂

a lil of this, a lil of that…

There is the scent of wild mint in the air. Thankfully my pungent friend grows like a weed without any assistance from me and my not so green thumb. It’s more like a black thumb, or by my daughter’s thought, red. Like blood. Because the poor lovely things die under my touch. She calls it murder.

Not this year though. This year my husband and I have a plan. We know it’s late in growing season already, but we’re looking towards summer veggies and top soil bag gardening. (Thank you Mother Earth News!) We are digging out one bed though. We have a good feeling about it. It’s our first attempt at really doing it well, and by the grace of the Goddess it shall be so.

Our greenhouse project is going well, though it’s been awhile since we’ve pounded a tire. We’ve both been incredibly busy, but we’ll be devoting the weekend to it. If you want to read more about the greenhouse project, visit my husband’s blog here. He hasn’t updated it in awhile, but you’ll get the gist. We’re pretty excited about it, as it’s just a small scale project for what we hope to turn into our home when we actually acquire mountain land. If you’re interested in Earthships (and you should be!), visit www.earthship.com and check out what that genius Michael Reynolds is doing out there. Also, put Garbage Warrior on your netflix list, because you know you have one.

diggin' out the site w/ a lil garden yoga

I’ve finally made a dent in my dress commission, so feel that I can put that aside at least until my client and I can schedule a fitting. My house has been completely neglected. So much for spring cleaning. How ’bout a summer cleanse instead? We’ll see. Procrastination central here. My studio closed so I also lost 2 classes in my weekly to~do list. You’d think that’d give me more time on my hands, yeah… no. There never seems to be quite enough of that.

My Yoni tree has lost her blossoms. Crap Crab apples will be coming in soon.

I believe we’re starting the second quarter of the moon today. The waxing 1/2 moon. I want to make sure we get our seeds planted before the moon is full. Like I said, we’re really trying to do it right this time.

I am so grateful to be married to my husband. That was a random thought stream, but it came to mind so there it is. I am honored every day that we walk side by side. I know that I am blessed.

I think I’ll do a tarot reading for my friend tonight. Emotion and instinct are heightened right now in the second quarter. Time to utilize mama moon’s mystery and magic.

As you may have guessed upon reading this post, my gemini mind is in overdrive today. One thought quickly making way for the next.

The lilacs are in bloom. 🙂

sacred simplicity

Tomorrow is Monday. The 26th of April. Nothing particularly significant about the day. Just merely the beginning of the week as per the Gregorian calender. The moon is nearing full, reaching her zenith on the 28th with Lunar Beltane. Beltane is Saturday. I have a full day planned, which is very unlike me, and none of it having anything necessarily to do with actual Beltane, though I can find the significance in anything I suppose.

My beautiful friend. Anyone know what she is?

I’ve been thinking lately that I need more magic in my life. That whole thought pattern being the reason behind starting this blog. I don’t want to say that I don’t have ‘time’ for magic. Because magic is in everything I make of it. Like right now for instance; I sit on my porch in my favorite rocker, sipping my mate and scribing down my thoughts on this paper before I transfer them to cyber-land. There is this amazingly beautiful tree/bush next to me that has blossomed with these gorgeous coral flowers. I have no idea what the bush is called. But we commune. I sat next to her during Winter’s chill, when she was covered in icicles. I welcomed her first tiny buds of Spring. And now, the bees and I share in her grace and nourishment. For different reasons, perhaps. But all the same, we are one. The sun is hiding behind an overcast sky and the wind has picked up since this morning. It dances its way from tree to tree, with no beginning or end in sight. Absolutely everything is alive, and I am so grateful to walk this path.

See? Can’t you feel the magic?

This morning, we had a clothing swap at Kim’s yoga studio. Our way of saving money, saving waste, and gathering with the girls. I sometimes have to be pushed into doing things like this because I can be so damn antisocial. But I love it. I love these women! There is pure magic in sharing and communing with our sisters. Afterwards, while trying on clothes together, I just marveled at the beauty and freedom and love we all shared, some of us not even knowing each other very well, just able to strip off down to our skivvy’s and be completely uninhibited.

I was also able to connect with a sister that I’d had a bit of confused discomfort with. She is the teacher from the Wiccan class I’d mentioned previously. This connection was so needed! I’d wanted to hug her for so long, and just let whatever miscommunication or discomfort fall away between us. I feel like we were able to take that step finally. She is 8 months pregnant and her shower is Saturday (on Beltane). Very appropriate, I think. Her invites say, “Little Bee is almost here.” and “Blessed Bee.” ♥ So I made her a sling out of Pooh Bear material with little bees all over it. I love making slings for new mamas! I think they are the best, most practical thing for keeping our lil ones close when we have to keep functioning with our daily duties. They’re like lil mama caves. 🙂

So yeah. What was my point? Experiencing magic. Those were just 2 examples of finding it in everyday life. And that was just today!

My next step though, is to bring more ritual in. I’m not talking all out circle casting, fire dancing type ritual. We’ll save that for Sabbats. Though it might be fun to fire dance every night… wonder what the neighbors would think. 🙂 No, I’m talking simplicity. The most sacred of magic. The attunment of walking each step with the grace of Spirit. Tomorrow, Monday, it begins (I suppose Monday is as appropriate as any, it is Moonday, after all.)

Clearing space for new intentions

My husband and I just cleaned our altar. Clearing off old energies, making way for things to come. We don’t know what’s coming yet… That’s where this new adventure will start, at our altar. When I wake tomorrow morning, instead of jumping up and moving through my normal school day routine, I vow to take 5 minutes at the altar. 5 minutes of breath. 5 minutes of prayer. Offering my gratitude for this new day, the shining light of the sun, the earth beneath my feet.

I’ll start small. No reason to overwhelm myself or set myself up for failure. So this week, every morning upon rising and every night before retiring, I shall give myself 5 minutes at the altar.

Mmmm. The sun has peeked through the clouds.

Blessings abound ☼