the soul fire.

(This post has been adapted from a FB feed that I am apart of~ but I feel it’s essential to the work that I’m doing here, and I wanted to share it with you.)

I woke up this morning around 12:45, my head full of wows, sighs, and aHa’s after meeting with my A.C. (accountability buddy) yesterday evening for this business/soul purpose course I’m taking (MEAN Business: Turning Passion into Profit~ check it out, it’s AMAZING). After another half hour of no sleeping I decided to get up and write this down. I have been asking for time. Well, it’s after midnight and everyone’s sleeping but me. Hello opportunity. Take it.

So here’s the thing: From the beginning I wasn’t even sure I should be a part of this course. All these beautiful people knew exactly what they wanted (so I thought) and I just have a jumbled idea of what makes my heart sing. But after emailing with Jacqui (the genius behind MEAN Biz), she gave me courage to give it a shot, and she would do her best to serve as my guide.

I must admit that the first couple calls still had me flailing. The niche call left me spinning. The story call had me gasping for air. All of these little pieces from each call kept filling my head. “What am I a master of?” “Dabbling is deadly.” “First thought, best thought.” “Take big leaps.” “Kill the darlings.” “Get on your knees everyday.” “Start with the end in mind.”

When it came down to it though, even just filling out the pre-questionaire allowed me to gain a little more insight. It forced me to look at myself, my wants, my needs. And after these weeks of just trying to write things down and hash it out with my 2 A.B.s, I’m actually starting to feel like I am traveling in a certain direction. My first real aHa moment was last night when I was sitting with my beautiful sister, (and fellow course taker) Lauren. Sewing is a hobby. Wham! Yes it brings me a little bit of money and helps me release some creative energy but it’s not my WORK. This realization for me was huge and had me reeling. I love this craft. I love seeing and hearing people’s excitement when they love said craft. But Lauren helped me see that it was not this that I was focusing on. It was my teaching, my workshops, my Priestess work. (Full disclosure: Lauren has experienced these things directly as we are neighbors, friends and have had a teacher/student relationship in the past). I also expressed to her my discouragement that I felt out of the present moment with the course because everything is so active and I felt like I was on hold. (New baby due in December leads me to question immediate future in business.) But she helped me see how I could put these last couple months of “cooking” time to work for me. Seriously. I am in awe of what I feel right now. Also considerably freaked out to have my Gemini brain feel such focus. Total awesomesauce.

So I’m laying in bed not sleeping~ thinking about how these revelations completely change the way I will function on a daily basic. My “ideal day”. How I spend Leelu’s naptime. Even the books I check out from the library!

And I don’t have to stop sewing. It’s an important hobby and outlet, and will help generate income and interest in my farm and service in some instances. But it’s not my focus and not where I’ll put my energy anymore. I KNOW something definitive now. The what what. Fuck. I’m blown away.

There was something else that helped this come clear as well. Someone posted a comment in another feed about your purpose being light… feeling light around your service. And I realized that while I have a total blast working festivals and selling my wares~ when I come home from a workshop that I’ve lead, I feel ecstatic. I am HIGH from the magic and energy and utter JOY that I just experienced with those women. And then to realize that this is part of my STORY, that it always has been, that it’s part of my transformation, my first thought, best thought DECADES ago… Holy Wow.

And so now to hone that feeling, that vision. Make it my true north. Start with the end in mind.

My soul is on fire.