The issue, as I see it now, is that instead of accepting the way things are and finding a way to be content with that acceptance, is that I keep trying to change them. And when I cannot, frustration settles in and boars its way into my core self so much that I cannot shake it. I am not saying we shouldn’t try to make changes. What is the old adage? “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” This is such an important lesson in my life right not. Perhaps always, but right now I’m seeing its obvious and practical application in my life.
So where am I going with this?
I just want some time to myself. Carefree time where I don’t have to think about anyone else unless I choose to. So I wake up 2 hours earlier than I normally do. I make a cup of coffee, sit down with a book, and soak up a single moment. Because a moment is all there is. The baby wakes up. I have to take the next half hour to get her back to sleep. While I do this I have to remind myself that the dog barking in his sleep at the foot of the bed, my husband shuffling papers and tapping away at the computer with work, and the neighbor’s light blaring into my bedroom window are not here to purposely work against my serenity. They are not conspiring to fuel my aggravation. On the contrary, my husband would do what he could to keep my mood light and mild.
20 minutes after seeing the baby back to sleep, my teenager wakes loudly. The dog scratches at the front door. And of course, the baby wakes again, deciding that sleep surely is overrated. But I’ve had my moment, and bless it, I will find my serenity and my courage and my wisdom to get me through the day.
Sometimes you just have to brew a fresh pot and say good morning all over again.