In order to get myself to a place where I want to be, I cannot wait for someone else to give it to me. That means time and permission. If it’s important, I have to take it. And right now that’s going to mean sacrificing sleep. The only time right now that I realistically see me pulling myself together is in the early morning hours of predawn, while everyone is still sleeping. So starting tomorrow, as hard as it will be to give up that sleep which I get so little of since the Leelu’s been born, I will wake at 5am. I need to hold myself accountable somehow, because it is so easy to look at that clock and re-close my eyes. Maybe if I write myself a note to read every time the alarm goes off… something to remind me what I’m doing and why. I’ll try that.