conviction

It is my birth month. I will be 33. Today is the 3rd day of June, the 6th month, the year 2012. I do not think it coincidental that this is the day I choose to pick up my pen and step back on my path. Oh the power of 3. It is also a SUNday and we are entering a full moon tomorrow on MoOnday as well as a lunar eclipse.

Wow. That’s a mouthful. And exhale…

The path of the Witch, like any other spiritual practice, is not an easy one. (Though oftentimes more difficult because of the misconceptions and unfamiliarity that can be associated with it.) As I so repeatedly used to tell my students in yoga, it is called a practice for a reason, otherwise you may be on the path but you shall surely be standing still, and perhaps even looking down at the ground (or even behind you).

I have been standing still. And yes, I can still feel communion with Spirit in this mode. However, it is too easy to allow everyday events to become mundane. My daughters’ growing, Summertime making way for light, breaking bread, seeing my husband smile at me. It is not that I take these things fro granted. I most certainly do not. But I often forget to rejoice in them and remember our connection. To God. To the Universe. To the Earth. To Each Other.

I often have a tendency of being hard on myself. Looking backwards on my Path of the things I used to do, the dedication I used to have. But I am done with that. I am done with feeling disappointment. It’s all okay. The sun rises new everyday and we are given yet again the gift of being alive.

On the first day of June I put on my pentacle. And made the decision to leave it on. This is both a step inside myself, to everyday see that circled star as a reminder of my connection to Spirit, as a reminder that I am Spirit, and outside myself because in doing so I am choosing to embrace freely both joy and pain. Judgement and uncomfortable feelings. I am not pushing. I am attempting to flow once again in my own Grace. I am challenging myself (and my husband and daughter through me) to be strong in the face of what might be difficult. My mother has always had a problem accepting this part of me and therefore has chosen to walk a path of denial about it. I have allowed her that, to do what she needed to do to stay in her comfort zone. But in doing so have I denied myself? And by what right do I hold onto Witch? My husband will have to be strong along side me, because even after almost 4 years of marriage, his family still does not know he married a Witch. (Though through attempts at prothletising from his mother, I suspect she believes we are not on the right path… and much to the heartache of my husband who deems himself a Christian, in the truest sense of the title, and who is the best man I know.) I must admit my fear. Because I do not want to hurt anyone, or scare anyone, or disappoint anyone. And I certainly do not want to lose any of these amazing people that I have fallen in love with just as I fell for my husband.

But I have to walk as well as think and talk this chosen path. It has always been mine. And if I do not live it fully, then I will not live it at all.

It is a beautiful yet fearsome gift I give to myself for my 33rd year in this world.

I ask for your love and prayers.

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One thought on “conviction

  1. I love you! Be strong… Wish I was there, on the path along side you, to be there for you to lean on in these times of doubt and fear, strength and hope.

    You’re an amazing woman! Miss you!

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