lessons in impermanence

As I write this, I am sitting with a castor oil compress on my chest.

At the beginning of last week, I wrote down affirmations. Positive thoughts in the present tense that I would carry with me and repeat through the day. I am a firm believer in affirmations so please do not let my bizarre turn of events dissuade you from setting some of you own. It’s a good thing. It’s a great thing. Try it, you’ll see. The results can be astounding.

A couple examples for you from my own pen:

1. I am whole and healthy. My body, mind and spirit are free of dis-ease.

2. I am an able and confident yoga teacher. I tap intuitively to the knowledge and wisdom that already resides within me.

Alright, here’s the story.

Within an hour of writing these positive little jingles, I’m at work, I do a normal move/turn/shift. Nothing out of the ordinary and “Oooh! Now that didn’t feel good.” It started as just a slight pinch in the center of my chest underneath my sternum followed by a bruised feeling on the outer bone. 3 days later after teaching 2 classes and attempting to attend a 3rd, I ended up spending the entire session in child’s pose (even that being uncomfortable), canceling my evening classes and being as still as possible throughout the weekend.

Come Monday (now 6 days later) knowing I could not cancel class or get out of my other job, I tried to take it as easy as possible. Mind you, the pain has continued to escalate. It is constant. It hurts to be still, let alone talk or even breathe. I am teaching by instruction only, no demonstrating. I am being mindful of my body’s movement with every step. What I need to be doing is resting, and nothing but. But as those of you with families, homes or jobs that require you to carry on, you’ll know why I cannot just rest. Oh how I want to. Luckily I have a fantastic support group at home (Thank you, beautiful family!) and they take excellent care of me. I am also grateful for my students that allow me to be completely imperfect.

Wow the lessons of impermanence.

I don’t know what I’ve done exactly. The castor oil packs are advice from a holistic body worker and if I am not healing within the next couple of days I’m going in for some touch therapy. Right now it feels as if bones are protruding from my chest, though there is no visible evidence that anything is wrong.

In the meantime, I’m treading carefully.

And I’ve still got those affirmations in my pocket.

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