Even when I just had 2 luscious days at Valley View hot springs with my beloved husband. Soaking in the magic of the Mother, embraced in that sacred warmth of her earthly womb.
And yes. I’m tired. But it’s more than that. I’m heavy. I’m empty. I’m seeking. I’m full. Can you be all of those things at once. I guess so, because I am.
In packing for the trip, thinking of gorgeous down time in a warm cabin in the middle of winter, I wanted to bring reading material that didn’t feel like work. Yes, I knew that I have a 6 page essay due by the end of February on my thoughts of Kripalu yoga and how I weave it into my everyday existence. I knew that I have piles of papers to complete to keep up with my Clayton degree. And goodness, all that time (1 entire day, 2 delicious nights) to focus on these things with complete clarity. Seemed like a good idea to me. But I really just didn’t want that pressure.
So what did I choose to bring for casual enjoyment reading? Yoga and the Quest for the True Self by Stephen Cope, and Healing with Whole Foods by Paul Pitchford. I find this ironic. The time went by entirely too fast, which was to be expected. I didn’t even crack Healing with Whole Foods. I did enjoy page after page of Cope’s book, however.
What I find interesting is that I chose to bring these books out of the sheer enjoyment that I get in reading them. But then I wonder, is my subconscious playing tricks on me? Really? Am I just so used to going going going that I couldn’t help but pick the books that would still apply to my work? I just don’t know.
But back to me being tired.
Niko planned this trip months ago. We had to book in advance to reserve the cabin. There was no telling how the weather was going to be or what we might have going on at the time. We just had to chance it. And goodness did we end up having a LOT going on. Niko has been tiling up in Monument and I have helped him as much as my own time has allowed (gigantic wet saw + lil ol’ me = EMPOWERING!) on top of 6 classes a week, the energy expenditure of building up a new business, PLUS Daisy’s hectic schedule with the play. It was a bit overwhelming. And though we both knew the time away would be wonderful, we were struggling to get out of here at a decent time.
This trip itself was fantastic. My mom came to stay with Daisy so I knew there would be no worries there. We took the dog with us because Niko simply felt calmer that way. In our house, dog really is man’s best friend.
Valley View had had a pretty good snowfall the night before but the roads were decent and well plowed. We actually got lucky with the weather for late February. The first day was cold and overcast but the warm cabin totally made up for it. The second morning we woke to the sun shining through which was bliss. Check out was noon so we had a last soak and headed out. Stopped at a lil ‘country cookin’ restaurant called Loretta’s for some greasy breakfast which was heavy but delightful, and then made our way home.
So here’s where I believe my little exhaustion problem starts.
We got home around 6 Thursday evening. IMMEDIATELY Niko is right back to work, working on websites and such. And I am also quick to the return. Accessing what I’ve missed for Daisy, preparing my classes for the next morning, making dinner, talking to my mom. There was NO time for integration. No time for Savasana.
I really GOT Savasana here. Living my yoga off the mat.
Savasana is important, not only because we as a people are generally leading exhausted lives and we just need to REST, but because our bodies need that INTEGRATION time. Our mind, body and spirit need the time to process our practice.
So here it is, Sunday night, and neither my husband nor I have gotten that time to integrate our experience at the hot springs. And we REALLY needed it. We had an incredible time of connection. Magic happened there. I know it. But I haven’t had time to open my eyes to it yet. The weekend came swift with piles of snow, tile and grout, website construction, 2 back to back evenings of A Midsummer Night’s Dream (in which Daisy did fabulous by the way), a frustrating experience with my mother and my final weekend with my Kripalu mentoring program. Just as Savasana can create that deep healing for the nervous system, going without it can lead to an extreme feeling of disconnect.
So again. Tired. Yep.
Tomorrow is Monday. I have nothing planned. I’m hoping to finally get that Savasana.